Just Say No

This isn't about what they taught us in health class...When's the last time someone asked you to do something and you said no? I'm not talking about being rude. I'm talking about saying no to something you physically, mentally or emotionally could not do for your own well being, or the well being of your team.  

- Can you write that 150 page report and get it on my desk in 3 hours? 
- No. (That's physically not possible)  

- Can we push back this meeting? 
- No. (That would cut the timeline too close)  

- Can you work late tonight? 
- No. (You already have plans and the work can wait until tomorrow)


I've recently discovered that it's okay to say no. And that not only is it okay, but sometimes it's necessary.  

- No, this is not urgent so I will not be spending the night here working on it.
- No, you cannot treat me like that. 
- No, I will not let this affect me. 
- No, I will not be accessible while I'm on vacation. 
- No, you cannot call me at 11pm, I will be in the office by 9am and we can talk then. 
- No, we cannot do xyz by 123 deadline, but we can do abc by 123 deadline or xyz by 567 deadline. 


Saying no is not just a personal revelation, either. It's also a professional one. 

- You want to push up the presentation by a day? I'm sorry, but my team will not be ready and we want to make sure what you see is at 100%. 
- No, I will not be calling you on vacation. You relax, and if we need anything, we'll get someone to fill in. 


Saying no is about determining what the priorities are, and sifting through the crap to make sure those priorities are taken care of. Stephen Covey, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People says it very well:

"...you have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage-- pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically-- to say "no" to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger "yes" burning inside...you are always saying "no" to something. If it isn't to the apparent, urgent things in your life, it is probably to the more fundamental, highly important things..."

Think about it...sometimes you need some time to unwind and work on your personal life and have to say no to certain things at work. Sometimes you give up things in your personal life to get ahead at work (the key word here is sometimes). It all depends on what your priorities are, what your goals are in life and what your physical, mental and emotional needs are. And it's not all about giving things up or saying no. It's about rearranging your priorities, recognizing your own needs, making compromises and figuring out alternatives to the choices at hand.


The power of "no" is quite liberating. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do...or not do, for that matter. So next time someone asks you to do something you really can't or don't want to do, say no ("pleasantly, smilingly, apologetically").

Going International

This is officially an internationally read blog! 

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you (on all four continents) for reading my blog. 
 
I appreciate your support!

~Jessica

Secrets

A friend of mine today asked if I could keep a secret. Now, don't get your hopes up because I can keep a secret and this post is not about blabbing some juicy secret for the masses to hear. If you want that, I suggest you visit postsecret.com. Anyway, so when this friend asked if I could keep a secret, it got me thinking...has anyone actually said "no" to this question? 


"Can you keep a secret?"
- "No. As a matter of fact, I can't so you better not tell me..."


I don't think so! Who doesn't want to hear some juicy secret that supposedly no one else (or very few people) knows about? 


Then I started thinking about those people who start a sentence with, "Don't tell anyone but...[insert someone else's secret here]..." I mean honestly, how many times have you been on the receiving end of that statement? Or maybe you said that to someone? Multiple people, even? And then suddenly everybody knows! It's a nasty habit that some people have. Those are the people that should answer "no" to the aforementioned question, but they don't. It's scary when you think about it. No one's secrets are safe when they are shared with anyone but themselves...and quite frankly, some people are bad at keeping their own secrets. 


A friend of mine in high school and I started a mini social experience back in the day. It was stupid, but it proved a point. We started a perfectly harmless, but apparently totally juicy rumor (at least to the immature high schoolers) to see how long it would take to spread around the school. So my friend and I in first period told three different people: "Did you hear? Sarah K***** got stuck in a locker!" Well even though this little piece of untrue information was totally petty (and barely believable), those three people we told looked back at us with eyes wide in amazement as they said, "Really?! No way! How did that happen?!" So, we made up an ellaborate story about how someone bet her "five thou" (a.k.a. five thousand yen...it was my high school in Japan...which was roughly $46 dollars at the time) that she couldn't fit in a locker, but she was determined to do it and when she did, she got stuck and three people had to try to pull her out, and then we had to get a cafeteria worker to bring out the butter... Well when we got to the part about the butter, that's when people were hooked! We barely got out of second period before other people came circling back to us saying, "Hey! Did you hear Sarah K***** got stuck in a locker?!" and by lunch time, Sarah was running around trying to figure out who started this false rumor. We did fess up to Sarah about starting the rumor and set the record straight (which of course took longer to circulate than the initial rumor because it wasn't as juicy so we had to tell more people ourselves).


As stupid as this may have been, it proved something. People are always looking to be the first to know something and secrets are never sacred when it comes to juicy gossip. 

So if you have a secret, be careful who you tell. And if you are the receiver of said secret, keep it to yourself (unless, of course, that secret is going to affect or hurt someone physically, mentally or emotionally...but that's a whole other blog post).

The 3 B's: Beer, Bourbon and BBQ

Chris with his tasting glass at the BBB festival

Beer. Bourbon. Barbecue. It doesn't get much better than that. Especially when those three are combined in an "all-you-care-to-taste" event combined with great music, pig races and so much more!

Bryant checking out Jack's table

As you walk into the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival at the Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary and pick up your souvenir tasting glass, the sounds of Bluegrass music and the smell of smoked pork is already filling the air. With over 60 beers, 40 bourbons, 15 BBQ vendors, and other drinks mixed in, it would be hard to find something you didn't like. In addition to the headliners, there were things like Peach Sweet Tea Vodka and Coffee Patron among other unique liquors. 

One of my favorite mixed drinks was from the St. Germain table. St. Germain is an elderflower blossom liquor of the French influence. The Dia Del Amor cocktail was fantastic and made me wish I were sitting on the beach drinking this cocktail and eating some fresh crab. The sweet elderflower combined with the sour lime and a dash of hot sauce, is a celebration for the taste-buds (if you don't mind a little spice in your life). This drink consists of St. Germain, Tequila, Fresh Lime Juice and a few dashes of hot sauce (personally, I'd add a few dashes to hot sauce to anything so this was a winner in my book), and garnished with a chili-salt rimmed glass and a lime. It was a fabulously refreshing summer drink. Another great summery favorite at this table was the St. Germain Cocktail which consisted of St.Germain, sparkling wine, and club soda. It was sweet and light...I think I found my new favorite summer liquor! 


The amount and variety of Bourbon was fantastic. The servers were very knowledgeable (not that I would expect otherwise) so it was definitely a great learning experience as well. There were the typical players there like Makers Mark, Wild Turkey and Jack Daniels, but there were some unique other brands, flavors, and varieties where everyone (even non-bourbon drinkers) should find something they like. 


The beer selection was also above par (side note: I never understood that phrase...I don't know much about golf, but I'm pretty sure being below par is what you're shooting for, right?). There were well-known brands as well as great local breweries present.

The smoker at The Little Red Pig pickin' the meat for our plates!

A whole pig from The Little Red Pig

Then there's the Barbecue...North Carolina definitely knows how to do a good barbecue. I was glad that my northern friends enjoyed the vinegar-based Eastern Carolina style barbecue. We tried a few different vendors and each was better than the next. Our personal favorite? The Little Red Pig.  

Chris before we devoured our plate...

 The Little Red Pig is based out of Marshville, NC (and if you were wondering, they do catering!). They smoked the whole entire pig and were literally picking the meat right off the animal to put on our plates. The freshness and flavors were unbelievable. They also had multiple vinegar-based BBQ sauces to put on top (although the meat was perfect by itself) with a variety of heats. The coleslaw was a fantastic pairing to the perfect smokiness of the pork. On the side, the classic BBQ pork baked beans were absolutely fabulous with the prefect balance of sweet and smokey. It was all you would expect from an award-winning Carolina BBQ place. 

And what kind of Beer, Bourbon and BBQ festival would it be if there wasn't the Miss Barbecue and Daisy Dukes contest? Or what about the Beer Belly Competition? And let me tell you, there were some real winners (sarcasm intended) on the main stage. The Daisy Dukes were shorter than short and those beer bellies? Well imagine me, at 5' 10", wrapping around one of these bellies and still not being able to touch my feet to my head...enough said. 


To top off the whole experience, there was great Country and Bluegrass music playing in the background from some fantastic bands. Everyone was eating, drinking, dancing and even singing along. Talk about a good time!

My friend Bryant Avondoglio shot and edited a great video to give you a special taste of the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ festival:



It was so much fun (even in 96 degree heat) and definitely a must-have experience. Can't wait for the next one!

There's nothing humble about Humble Pie

Almost hidden on the edge of Raleigh's warehouse district, is an old brick warehouse with a large "H" on the side. This is the only indication that you have, in fact, found Humble Pie...that and the Tiki Bar on the patio. Walk up the ramp to the hostess stand and decide whether you want to sit inside or outside (when the weather's nice). The decor inside is very artsy and the old warehouse atmosphere is very trendy. 

Sesame-Seared Ahi Tuna with Fried Rice in Asian BBQ

Crispy-Skinned Salmon, Cheese Grits, Tomato Broth

The menu is an eclectic blend of international fusion with southern flair. There's something on the menu for everyone and everything is fabulous. It's tapas-style so two to three plates a person is standard and more than sufficient. I'd recommend ordering a few different things and sharing amongst the table. If you're like me, you'll want to try everything on the menu! The chicken lettuce wraps are light and delicious. The dipping sauce is fantastic and I'd highly recommend you save it for the sesame seared tuna, which is also delicious and perfectly prepared. The fried green tomatoes with roasted garlic aioli are a perfect beginning to any meal. I've tried almost everything on the menu and have never had a bad meal. If you're in the mood for salmon, the crispy-skinned salmon atop cheese grits in a pool of tomato broth is absolutely fantastic. If you're in the mood for steak, the Caribbean-Spice Filet Mignon with a quinoa salad and pineapple salsa is a great marriage of sweet and spice. If you're looking for a fabulous twist on some Mexican fare, you'll love the Braised Short-Rib Tostadas with the Mango salsa and Chimichurri sauce. If you aren't in the mood for meat, the Ricotta and Butternut Squash Stuffed Conchiglioni are to die for! They are served in a sweet roasted garlic and charred tomato cream sauce and garnished with garlic chips. 

Carribean-spiced Filet Mignon with Quinoa, Pineapple Salsa

There are so many great options, it's hard to choose! There are also great drink specials nightly, which they post on their Twitter page. With the great food, great service and a great atmosphere, this is a hot spot in Raleigh!

Raising the Stake on Steak

It's amazing how things usually find a way to work out for the better in the end. I could talk a lot about this subject, but really what I am referring to right now is steak. Yes...Steak.

I picked up some steaks on Sunday to have with a friend of mine on Monday. I decided I was going to use my dad's theory on marinading (combine a bunch of sauces and spices you like together to make something better), since I didn't really have anything in mind. So that night, I combined Worcestershire sauce, a splash of soy sauce, and rice vinegar, with freshly chopped garlic, thyme and sage (fresh from my parent's garden that they sent me), a little salt and pepper, rubbed it into the two NY strip steaks I had, packed it in the leftover marinade, and put it in the refrigerator overnight. 

I couldn't wait to get home on Monday to throw it on the grill with the fresh asparagus I had. Unfortunately, my friend ended up not being able to make it. And fortunately, what I thought was an unfortunate circumstance, ended up being a very fortunate circumstance because after over 48 hours marinating, that steak was amazingly seasoned, extremely tender, and perfectly delicious! 

So take this lesson how you'd like. It's another way to show you that there's always a silver lining, everything happens for a reason (no matter how small or life-changing), and it always works out in the end. Now that's something you can literally apply to food, or take this metaphor and apply it to life!

Bags and Baggage

As I was on my way home from work today, I saw this girl. I've seen this girl before. Well, not this particular girl, but the type. She's the one you always see carrying at least four different bags strapped over both shoulders, doing to stop-n-shrug while hurrying to her car because she's so uncomfortable under the weight and awkwardnes. I've definitely seen this type of girl before (and guys too, for that matter). 

So I'm looking at her, and I'm wondering what on earth could she actually need all those bags for? I mean, does she really need that backpack and that messenger bag and that purse, and that tote bag? So then I start making up her story in my mind (as I often do when I catch a quick glimpse into someone's life)...Maybe she is a student and an intern, she has her backpack because she came straight from class, then she has her purse for her wallet, keys and phone (which is conveniently always packed and ready to go), the messenger bag is for her gym clothes and that tote bag holds her lunch leftovers and maybe a notebook. But does she really need to be carrying all that stuff? Can't it be consolidated somehow?

Then I start thinking about my own bag that I take back and forth to work every day. Nowadays, it's pretty heavy. In fact, I hardly know what's in it because I never go through it (except when I'm trying to find that darn chapstick or a piece of gum or my keys!). It holds my wallet and keys, a little umbrella, some chapstick, and a bunch of other crap that just weighs me down. Then there are times I have to bring home my computer. But with all that extra crap in my bag, my computer doesn't fit, which means I have to bring home my chunky computer bag. And if I bring my lunch in a Pyrex dish that day, I have to bring that home in another bag. Then there I am, that poor girl I saw today, with all those bags, rushing to my car in the heat, trying not to do the stop-n-shrug too many times on the way! It's madness! I mean, honestly, what do I really have in my bag that I actually need every day? Why do I feel the need to carry all of it with me every single day? It's more than just a "you never know..." or "just in case..." type of bag packing. It's just that it's convenient to leave things in there and not worry about them, let them build up, and not even realize how much it's weighing me down until I can't take it anymore, or I am questioning someone else who's doing the same thing! Why not downsize? Why not get rid of all that extra baggage? I mean, honestly, if you don't make room for it, there's no place to put it!

And here's the part where the revelation comes...as I'm thinking about this, on my drive home, I also realize that this simple principle can be applied to life. Think about it. Instead of dealing with or dismissing certain things, we just let them pile up and become clutter in our lives. We let things build up because it's convenient to ignore them for the moment. We let all the little "crap" build up and weigh down on us. It just doesn't make sense. We should deal with it and move on or dismiss it from our lives altogether. Then, as I'm driving, I laugh as I realize...I just gave my own, new meaning to the term "baggage". 


So that's it! I'm cleaning out my bag tonight. I already feel that weight lifted off my shoulders (both literally and figuratively). I'm getting rid of all that crap that I don't need in my life anymore and moving on to a lighter bag and an ever lighter look on life! Go empty your own bags and get rid of all that extra weight!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a...Flying Biscuit?

One of the places that comes to mind when I think "brunch in Raleigh" is The Flying Biscuit Cafe...it's also what comes to many people's minds because trying to get a table for brunch on a Sunday is like trying to roast a turkey the minute the Thanksgiving guests arrive (in other words, be prepared to wait for a long time before you get to indulge). Luckily, there is plenty of outdoor seating and the food makes it well worth the wait. 

Biscuit with Cranberry Apple Butter

On the inside, The Flying Biscuit is as cute and whimsical as its name. After you order, that long wait is finally justified with that first bite of what gave The Flying Biscuit it's claim to fame...the big, fluffy, flakey biscuit, hot out of the oven, topped with their homemade cranberry, apple butter. Now let me emphasize that...I said topped with their homemade...cranberry...apple butter. The delicious apple butter that's enhanced by the sweet hint of cinnamon and the slight pucker that can only be caused by a cranberry infusion. It's absolutely phenomenal.  

And lucky for those who don't want to wait, you can order a dozen of these to go, complete with the cranberry apple butter.

But the goodness doesn't stop there. Wash it all down with a fabulous Mimosa (you'll have to wait until after noon on Sunday due to the North Carolina law) or a Bloody Mary made extra special with pepper vodka and garnished with olives and a pickled okra (my personal favorite). 

Organic Oatmeal Pancakes & a side of "Moon Dusted" potatoes

The menu is diverse but part of the main attraction is the "Breakfast All Day" part of the menu. My favorite? The organic oatmeal pancakes. It's like a bowl of deliciously sweet and cinnamon-y oatmeal (almost like an oatmeal cookie) in pancake form, topped with sweet peaches and warm maple syrup. It's something that seems so unique yet so obvious all at the same time.

Each breakfast entree comes with a very difficult choice of their Oven-Roasted "Moon Dusted" Rosemary Potatoes or their award-winning, creamy, dreamy, southern-style grits. I'll start with the potatoes...they are wonderfully seasoned with just the perfect hint of rosemary (I personally hate when potatoes are over-rosemaried). Because they are oven-roasted, they aren't too greasy, like you'd typically expect from a breakfast side dish. As for the grits...well, the name says it all. They really are creamy, dreamy deliciousness. I'm not a grit person, but these are fantastic. It's really a difficult decision to choose which side to go with. 

The Flying Biscuit Cafe is a fabulous place for Sunday Brunch...just plan on getting there well before you're hungry because with half of Raleigh in on this secret, you're guaranteed to wait...but it's worth it!